I've had the worry, pretty much since I started back in August, that I would lose a certain amount of weight and then just stop. Not that I would stop eating healthily or exercising, but that my body would just refuse to lose any more weight.
Maybe it's similar to other feelings of "I'm never actually going to be able to do/achieve ___". Like when you're pregnant with your first child and you just CANNOT fathom that you'll be able to give birth. Or in your sophomore year of college, and that degree just seems so.far.away.
Over the past few years I've yo-yo'ed between the 260s and maybe the 230s. Not until last summer did I "yo" way up to 295. So I think I could envision myself getting down to 240/230, maybe even the 220s, but I can't picture anything lower than that right now. And the way the scale is treating me, I'm scared it's coming true.
Here's what the last few weeks' weigh-ins look like:
02/26/12: 243.2
03/04/12: 241.0
03/11/12: (no entry, likely because I stayed the same or gained like .4 lbs)
03/18/12: 238.6
03/25/12: 240.4
One month to lose 2.8 lbs!!! WTF? I'm all for slow and steady. I'm not trying to lose 6 lbs a week. 1-2 a week is what I'm aiming for. But what is THIS bullshit?
And I'm not "cheating" or rationalizing poor food choices, either. Here are my calories totals for last week:
1258
1305
1148
1031
1322
1290
If anything, my calories are a tad LOW. This is pretty much how my calorie totals have looked for the past month. A few days in the 1300s, mostly 1200s, and a few days where I've either unintentionally missed a meal (work meeting that goes through lunch) or just had some really low cal meals (tilapia and steamed veggies) and ended up in the 1000s or 1100s.
I count everything. I'm not "forgetting" to count the sodas or alcohol or bites of this or that. I drink primarily water (or no calorie vitamin waters, etc.). I work out 2-3 times a week. I eat a ton of veggies, lean proteins, some grains, and fresh fruit.
I'm becoming convinced that my body just will not lose much more weight.
Perhaps the obvious solution is to increase my daily calories. Easier said than done. I've flirted with disordered eating in the past. So to see my daily total reach into the 1400s (or higher) right now when my weight is stagnating or even creeping upward just sends me into a panic.
I've got one more weigh-in, this Saturday, before I won't be weighing in for a few weeks. I've got a long overdue vacation all next week, and I'd told myself long ago that this week won't count. There are several "special" meals lined up for which I can eat whatever I choose.
"whatever I choose"
The other meals during the week will be healthy, as my meals have been for the last 7 months. I will not forbid myself from enjoying life like a "normal" person, and I will not hold it against myself. Ergo, no weigh-in the weekend I return. Perhaps the following week, but we shall see.
In the meantime, I'm going to try to up my calories as far as I can manage to (yesterday was 1446, today will be 1361) up to 1450, and add two power walks in each week to my 2 aerobics classes. Hopefully, this week will at least see me back into the upper 230s, and post vacation I will have stayed the same.
Lord help me fight the urge to check calorie content at restaurants on my vacation. As someone near and dear to me would sing, "You realllllyyy, don't waaaaannnnt to-oooo knooooooow."
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