Intro

So my girlfriend (henceforth, "the Girl") has said a few times that I should blog. Hi, I'm J and I am easily persuaded by the suggestions of others. For now I'm going to write as if this is mostly a personal diary, and disregard the non-existent audience out there in the ether.

I guess she specifically meant I should blog about my "weight loss journey". I feel like an imposter, though, writing about this as if I'm some authority on the matter.  I'm not, and this blog is primarily a tool for me to express what I'm thinking/feeling along the way.  Briefest background ever: I'm in my early 30's, a mother, 5'7",  and on August 31st, 2011 I weighed 295.8 lbs. Today I weigh 238.6 lbs. I still have a LONG way to go.

Earlier today I noticed a slight bulge of a muscle on my upper arms. I was like a fetus discovering it has hands. (Yes, I'm thinking of that scene in "Look Who's Talking) My first thought was, "Wow! Look what Gloria (aerobics instructor) has done! She's good!"

I've been taking a cardio/strength class at the local Y twice a week for 6-7 weeks. This might sound admirable, but consider the following: Gloria the instructor is pushing 60; at least a quarter of the class is also pushing or over 60, and the other half that's closer to my age routinely "takes it up a level" and adds extra bounciness/weight/complexity where I do NOT. I have three excuses: Um, did you see the 238.6lbs reference, above?; I have a wonky knee from a car accident; I may have a stress fracture/wonky shin in the same leg with the wonky knee. I WANT to jog and not march in place. I WANT to do a regular jumping jack and not an awkward one handed/one foot version. When I do, however, my shin screams at me. So I march as determinedly as I can, and try to amp things up in ways that won't result in a cast/MRI. I typically use the 5lb weights, and also typically have to collapse midway through the last of the 30-second planks.  Oh, and that whole "lie on your side...now reach around and grab your ankle and hold it behind you to stretch out that thigh" thing? I let out an audible "Pssshhhhhhhaaaa!!" the first time I heard it.  Then I realized I was the only one struggling to do it.

So when I noticed the beginnings of "guns" on my upper arms today (like, BB guns...pea shooters, really...hard to tell what's a muscular bulge and what's just part of that bulge that threatens to smother my elbows), my first thought was not, "Look what I did!" Because I'm fat, right? Because I'm not leaving everyone in that class in the dust, right? I'm modifying most of the moves we do to remove the impact, so I'm not really getting a workout, right?

Wrong, apparently. *I* did this, am doing this. Creating muscles where once there was only dough. There's still dough, and plenty of it, but there are some muscle-ettes in there, too.